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Revealed: Funniest hotel reviews in the UK

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Looking to book a staycation now lockdown is being lifted across the UK? Before you choose your destination, read the comical reviews people have previously left for five top destinations in the UK.

The Hotel Guru analysed 2,000 positive and negative reviews that have been left by people on Booking.com for hotels at each of the following UK destinations: Cornwall, Devon, Edinburgh, London and Norfolk. Some of the most comical reviews have been turned into posters and the most obscure ones are highlighted below.

Cornwall

You’ve been warned – your road trip in Cornwall might, at times, be a heart in the mouth, animal-themed kind of an adventure: “Cornwall has some very narrow backroads that can get a bit hairy,” enlightens one reviewer.

Before you visit, be sure to check out the dimensions of your hotel when you’re reviewing what type of accommodation to stay in, as it appears many may have been designed for hobbits: “Beds were so uncomfortable and small; it was like sleeping on a brick.”

Full list of favourite reviews left by holidaymakers in Cornwall:

  • Cornwall has some very narrow back roads that can get a bit hairy
  • Beds were so uncomfortable and small; it was like sleeping on a brick
  • Plug for sink was difficult to fathom
  • There is a real issue with seagulls
  • I would have liked a sausage with a more interesting filling, for example, Cumberland or Sage and Onion
  • Good choice of teas
  • The actual hotel was quite creepy
  • The scones were described as warm and fresh but were cold when served
  • Room smelt like old trainers

Devon

It’s hard to come by good bacon if any at all in Devon suggests the following reviewer – it’s either overly crispy or gone AWOL: “Bacon was burned and the extra bacon we asked for never came.”

If you’re after a ‘hot waiter’, you’re likely to struggle to find one in Devon, as this clearly disappointed traveller discovered: “We had no hot waiter for ages we did complain but seem to fall on deaf ears.”

Full list of favourite reviews left by holidaymakers in Devon:

  • Bacon was burned and the extra bacon we asked for never came
  • Breakfast was a Fawlty Towers experience. A number of things were unavailable, the toast was burnt, the table too wobbly to eat at and there was an unacceptable wait for food
  • Soup of the day should have been soup of the week – carrot and coriander – it was offered that often
  • Locks on the toilet door would be nice
  • Didn’t like the coffee much, but I am a coffee snob
  • They were very stingy with their complimentary drinks
  • Thank you for the soya milk!
  • It looked elegant from the outside
  • Grapefruit juice for breakfast – a rare thing indeed
  • Just we had no hot waiter for ages we did complain but seem to fall on deaf ears

Edinburgh

“We didn’t know about the steep hills in Edinburgh.” Indeed, hills, it’s kind of a thing in the Scottish capital. There’s around seven famous ones, too – think Arthur’s Seat, Calton Hill, and, of course, Castle Rock.

Expect the unexpected during your visit to Edinburgh, as well as the extraordinary. “Most of Edinburgh roads are like a patchwork quilt,” one reviewer plainly reveals.

Full list of favourite reviews left by holidaymakers in Edinburgh:

  • The hotel is a treasure
  • The toilet was the smallest I’ve ever seen
  • Stairs difficult to climb with suitcases
  • Small teacups in the room
  • The floor in the kitchen was sticky underfoot
  • The furniture was quite tired
  • We didn’t know about the steep hills in Edinburgh
  • Most of Edinburgh roads are like a patchwork quilt
  • The hotel needs a complete facelift
  • The lights were somewhat difficult to control

London

Always pack an umbrella when holidaying in London, as one reviewer is eager to draw attention to: “More umbrellas, they ran out while we were there, they should have A LOT of umbrellas on hand for guests given that it is LONDON!!”

Apparently, travelling back in time is literally possible in London. “I really enjoyed the time travel to the 80’s.” No clues as to whether a DeLorean was involved.

Full list of favourite reviews left by holidaymakers in London:

  • This is a great, no frills hotel
  • I really enjoyed the time travel to the 80’s
  • With some extra effort, the breakfast could have been more sophisticated
  • Ear plugs essential for those of us who like to be asleep by 11pm
  • I am a very sustainability aware person, so a small towel would have been sufficient.
  • More umbrellas, they ran out while we were there, they should have A LOT of umbrellas on hand for guests given that it is LONDON!!
  • The room we were given had a shower that had a garden hose literally attached to it.
  • Shower head built into the wall, I mean without a hose. However, it is a cultural British oddity to use inconvenient bathroom equipment.
  • I won’t talk about the rotating door at reception. 😉
  • Pillows were pancakes

Norfolk

Hygiene, needless to say, is increasingly important for future travellers, so spare a thought for this poor guest at a hotel in Norfolk: “The toilet was not screwed to the floor!”

The bathroom theme continues, as another reviewer does well to illustrate: “Only one thing I feel let down my experience, and I mentioned this to the reception, was the toilet roll quality.” Again, highly topical as of late.

Full list of favourite reviews left by holidaymakers in Norfolk:

  • I would have preferred a lighter duvet
  • No hash browns at breakfast
  • You will not go hungry here…
  • Great Yarmouth could do with a tidy
  • The toilet was not screwed to the floor!
  • Only one thing I feel let down my experience, and I mentioned this to the reception, was the toilet roll quality
  • There weren’t any croissants!
  • Towels on the bed were folded nice
  • There was a decanter of sherry
  • The size of the main course was overwhelming

The top 20 words that tend to be used by people leaving a review have also been identified – again for each of the popular locations. And the findings are interesting. For instance, while ‘location’ is the number one word that pops up in reviews for hotels in Edinburgh and London, for the likes of Cornwall, Devon and Norfolk, it’s actually ‘breakfast’.




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